How can an ordinary man practically do good to a women? Being a Feminist in India is not easy

What is Feminism according to me? Its simply being good and doing good to women you come across in your life. What can ordinary Indian men like me do beyond this? We can’t launch a NGO too fight for Women’s rights.

If every man in every part of the world cares for the girl in his life, we naturally create a better and safe world for Women.

I am writing this article after a small incident at work.

Electricity is precious. Don’t leave your computers on when you leave from work

I usually make fun of my friends at work with some odd jokes. One of this girl at work had a habit of not shutting down her computer when she leaves for the day. A month back, I requested her to shutdown as it saves electricity. The next day, I myself forgot to shutdown mine. When I realized I did not shutdown the computer after requesting the girl to follow this habit, I told her that she has a Magic wand and she could be a witch as in Harry potter since she makes me forget what I have been doing for years.

I must have not taken rights to play like this believing them as friends.

I also have habit of sharing any news or articles related to Women’s abuse and harrassment over internal chat to my friends in office. A month back, I found a story on QZ.com about women’s abuse and casually shared it with couple of girls over chat. The moment the chat message was sent out, I realized I had copied a content which had some words like molestation etc. I know for sure they might feel bad about it and immediately sent a message saying

“Sorry. Wrong content”. 

I am sure they said “Its OK” as if they don’t mind. I also pasted the link to the article and requested them to read.

That’s it.

Why I did this?

I call myself as a feminist but what do I do? I do nothing. I simply say people I come across that we must have equality and respect women in our life. Is it right to share Women’s rights/abuse articles in a official chat? No. But I trusted them as friends and not as colleagues.

I am bad. I am trying girls. I am not married and hence its natural for me to do it

Three weeks later, with no idea about what some colleagues were discussing, I was causally continuing to share such stories related to Women’s abuse and rights to my friends. I must be such a big fool. Gradually, I guessed something. Not even a close friend of mine was ready to share who was speaking ill of me? It seems, many people were discussing about me in a bad light. I am bad. I am trying these girls over internal chat. Sharing some stuff.

The best part is, seems it must have become a big issue but just because they felt I did that mistakenly, they convinced people and saved me.

Fine. Say anything about me but atleast involve me in it. My chat don’t have history and hence, I can’t even trace what exactly I chatted and which exact link I shared. I speak about girls casually because I don’t differentiate between Men and Women. Is India still that conservative? I have been into several painful relationship in past and still respect girls who ever they are.

Even if I like a girl at work, I will tell that to her but why should I send some dirty chat? I better commit sucide than being named thus. But then why should I die if people are so narrow minded?

If these girls had seen me as a friend, this would have never went out of them. If I had one good friend in my team, they would have told me what’s happening. All this writing is based on assuming what was happening as until now, none spoke to me about it. I just decided to change myself. I stopped making fun. Stopped even laughing much and remained calm.

If there was an issue about me, first discuss about that to me. Who are you to certify if I am good or bad? My Mom, Sister and many of my close friends know who I am.

Its not an issue about the way I work or perform. Its about my character. Initially, I was normal. After couple of days, the pain in my heart because too high that I woke up at 4 A.M and started praying Shirdi Saibaba to help me out. Then, I realized a fact.

“Everyone knows its not a big issue but few are ready to ruin my reputation even if there’s nothing”

I usually have fun at work, tease friends and very talkative. For the first time in several month, I decided to be silent and simply did my work. On this day, one of my close friend’s marriage got fixed and he was distributing sweets to everyone.

feminism book
I wanted to do something good to women when I read this book in 2002

Surviving this Marriage Nation

I call India as “Marriage Nation”

If you are not married beyond a specific age, people will advice you. Your parents, relatives, friends at work. You see, people who are married are like Rock Stars and we are fools. They did it. We din’t do it and hence we are supposed to be cornered.  I am not married since everytime I am in relationship, either the girl ends up not liking me or the girl’s parents don’t like me. People caringly advice me “Why don’t you try in Matrimony site.? Don’t your parents look for a girl?” First of all, I am not worried about not being married but loosing my patience to answer people.

That’s not the way you marry. You marry when you found someone you like with heart and soul.

“Marriage is not something you make happen. It must naturally happen. It’s too divine for you to actually “Try” getting married”

You know what happened?

Some at work were assuming that I am silent because I am jealous that my friend’s marriage got fixed

Should I laugh or cry for this? For Gods sake come out of your dirt. You are living in a ditch if your thoughts are not clean. If I say this over skype to my Sister in the U.S, she will certainly ask “Is India still like this? Yes. It is and it will be for another 1000 years.”

This guy who’s my friend himself told me “Venkat. Be normal because others think you are jealous of me getting married”

I told him all the issue which was happening and said “How do expect me to be normal when people misunderstand my casual chat conversation and speak ill of me and many in office thinks I am bad?”

He said “Forget it”

Forget what? That my charecter isn’t good. Its in the way my Mom bought me up and its not something I can let go easily. Either tell me what really happened or simply let me remain silent.

I stopped even looking at 3 of these girls after this incident and completely avoided chatting. 

Even 2 days back, I was telling someone that if you want to create a Digital company, you must abolish all these traditional way of communication like emails and chat and go for some cloud tools. As soon as I said this, one of this senior employee told me

“It means, you were caught in an issue because of chatting”

I was pained and felt how can he say that on face? I did not react harshly. I said “Yes. I am the one who’s been blamed” and smiled.

Later, I thought that I must have used that as an opportunity to say how narrow minded they are to speak ill of me just because I am not married. They all know that I am good but I know someone wanted to picturize in bad light to me. But don’t use such issues to humiliate me.

You can say that I don’t perform well.

You can say that I am not doing work I commited on time.

You can call me not for for job.

But if you speak ill of my character, you are blaming the true love and care I have on Women in India and the whole world for that matter.

I don’t know what is feminism. I can only say what my Mom taught me while I was in college

“If you make a women shed tears, you will suffer birth after birth until you make her happy”

This casual talk of my Mom got registered in my heart. So when ever I tease girls too, I make sure they aren’t hurt.Already I am suffering and hence, I always look for opportunity to do good to girls I come across.

I am writing this article for  Women’s day 2017 since I wanted to spread some good messages

How can a Man practically do good to a Women?

I can’t run a Non-profit organization to do good to women. I can’t help girls I don’t come across in life but I can write and spread good messages. So I am listing some good ways to do good to women.

  1. Women are known for Kindness. So be kind to them

Why should we have a girl in life? She’s known for kindness. Men are kind too but women naturally have a tendency to care. So try to be kind to them.

     2. Don’t differentiate between Men and Women in any issue

Most of the problem in our society is because we differentiate between Men and Women. Give up this habit. Neither support a Men too must nor support only a Women. See them equally.

Let an individual been seen for what they are, what they do and not because they are either a man or women

    3. Do little good deeds to men, women and kids in your life

Why should we diffrentiate calling ourselves as feminist? We must care for everyone and that includes women. When ever you get an opportunity to good to a girl, do it and don’t expect anything in return.

    4. Be true to the girl in your life

She could be your girl-friend or wife. She could be your Mom or Sister. One of the common trait in Men is doubting women in their life. Kindly do not doubt a women when she casually speaks or appreciate other men. This continues to happen even till this day in some culture.

If you trust your girl, let her do what she desires. She will be yours.

5. Your wife is precious as a diamond

Just because I am not married, even when I casually speak or chat with girls, people portray me in bad light. Its humiliating. I know men who are married and flirt around with girls and get into bad relationship. Women do it too and I wish they too realize the value of being true to their husband.

I just want you to realize getting married to the women who truly cares for you is a gift. Your Wife is a precious Diamond. So make sure you are true to her.

That’s it friends.

Being a Feminist in India is not easy. I don’t even know what this term means. Does that mean one who works for women’s rights? What can an ordinary Indian dependent on his monthly salary do? I don’t have time to volunteer in any place. I can do just one thing. I can be good to girls I come across in life even when they misuderstand me. Its OK to be hurt but I never wanna hurt anyone in my life. I have learnt the value of digesting what ever people speak. You can’t stop the world from commenting.

I am not good with language and my writing is very simple. All I want is to do good to everyone which includes women. When I was going through these issues at work, I got a divine call to create – OfficeExperience.in

So many wonderful professionals, especially girls were kind enough to take time to answer my interview. For the first time in my life, I felt that I am doing good to women beyond the girls I come across in day today life. Let the people in my office continue to humiliate me. I started to focus on wonderful professionals and Entrepreneurs across the globe spreaded in several companies.

Someday, the world will realize what my Mom would have imagined how her son be called. Someone “Good’. I am not asking much from this Nation. Let me live happily with an average job and average life. I have not gone places. I have not achieved anything as much as my Sister did as a Research Scientist. But I deserve keep my good name secured.

So I wrote. Apologies if I had hurt someone.

Many people ask me “What do you gain my making websites like these? Is there any income”

This is another problem in India. If you do something, you must earn from it. Not really. Money comes when you create something of value and I am working hard for that. I am sure, when I have more interviews covered, people certainly will come here reguarly and I have lots of chances to get a sponsor so that I can hire someone to collect stories on Startups, Entrepreneurship, Tech and Science.

I have a desire to make a job portal so that I will be able to help people get job. Even if I take a word “Girl”, people ask me, why should you care so much for girls? I have over 10 years experience learning about various difficulties women faces in their life and hence I am like this. But I equally care for men and kids too.

I have plans to spread the message of continuous learning and having a space in my hometown where I can invite people who wanna grow ahead in their career and conduct workshops. Since I am dependent on my full time job, I can’t work on it.

I can only write. So I did.

With immense love on every Women reading this I dedicate this article to the only women who knows who I am – My Mom.

Love,

Venkat

You can write to me at –

venkatramanc16@gmail.com

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